Wipe Your Ass

How many days will your supply of toilet paper last?


Please read carefully:

This shortcut was created with iOS 13 and is officially only compatible with this iOS version. An update for iOS 14 is planned but will take as long as Apple is able to fix the numerous bugs of iOS 14, which also affect the Shortcuts app.

Unfortunately, iOS 14 is one of the most disastrous operating system updates in recent years. There are hundreds of bugs that affect numerous areas (Apple Music, Mail, CarPlay, HomeKit, Shortcuts, Widgets, GPS, WiFi, Mobile Data and so on). And for this reason, I am not currently updating any of my devices to iOS 14.
Apple was for example not able to fix the "Show Web Page" action bug of the Shortcuts app during the whole developer and public beta phase. Even with the official release of iOS 14 the bug is still not fixed. In all current betas of iOS 14, which were released after the official release, there is no fix for the bug either.
So if you experience any issues using the shortcut, thank Apple. And of course, I'm sorry that you have to pay for Apple's bugs. But I don't see the point of investing time, temporarily rebuilding my shortcuts to work despite the bugs, only to undo everything again when the multi-billion dollar company Apple is able to do its job properly again.
Thanks for your understanding.

Made for iOS 13

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Wipe Your Ass is 100% Covid-19 Free


Welcome to
Wipe Your Ass

"Wipe Your Ass" calculates the number of days the amount of toilet paper you currently own will last. No more, no less. The shortcut takes into account the number of rolls you have, the number of sheets per roll, the number of daily toilet visits, the number of wipes per visit and the number of sheets per wipe.


Important note: This shortcut is satire. Please do not let the current situation drive you crazy unnecessarily. We should all take a little bit more care of ourselves these days and think about our fellow human beings. Do not be selfish and do not hoard toilet paper.

In my area, there is currently no supermarket or drugstore where you can buy toilet paper because people are panic buying. That's why I came up with the idea for this shortcut.


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Exclusively available on RoutineHub.co

This Shortcut is available exclusively on RoutineHub.co. If you find it somewhere else, it's a fake. Please let me know in the comments below if you found this Shortcut somewhere else. Thanks.


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Latest Release Notes

1.0 - March 17, 2020, 9:56 p.m.

Initial Release

Past versions